Christmas
So this Christmas Auntie Lala totally rocked and ruled. As usual all the Christmas shopping was left up to me. I love my darling husband but if I left the shopping up to him for Christmas everyone would have received items from the gas station purchased on Christmas Eve.
So I got Bella and Mia Pinkalicious sticker books which they both seemed to like. I got Hannah and Sophia tween scrapbooks that they seemed to think we cool. But I got Gage a robotic panda. It was very cool and Gage loves it. He has been using it to tease his cats.
But the present for Lucas was called ‘the present of the day’. Ginger had told me that Lucas loves tanks lately. He has always been way into cars as well. So I found a remote control Hummer. I figured it is a remote control car AND a tank. Can’t lose right?
So Christmas Day I talk to my Dad and was told that Lucas thought it was the coolest present ever. Apparently he kissed and played with it all night since he opened it on Christmas Eve. The next day it was the present that was used to keep him distracted while they finished setting up the day. Ginger posted pictures of him and he looks so freaking ecstatic it made me ecstatic.
So mission 2010 accomplished. Auntie Lala Christmas Elf accepted and completed her mission successfully
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Adoption Option
So on a whim the other day I started futzing around online to find out more about adoption. I know it can take a couple of years so it seemed practical to think about starting now so by the time we are ready in a few years it will not be as long of a wait. I emailed two friends of mine who adopted and they referred me to the agency they went through. They warned me that their situation was very different though. They went through the agency to start the process when one of their sisters got pregnant unexpectedly and offered to let them adopt. They still ended up using the agency to find a credible attorney and help them with all the legalities along with therapy for all parties involved.
The reason they warned me was that because a huge part of the process, which is finding the birth mother who will pick you, they did not partake in. Therefore their cost was not that substantial. So I went to the website of their agency and requested the free information. I got an email back yesterday explaining that if I went through them we would have to choose between two programs. We could participate in both but then there is twice the cost for the same result.
George and I have talked about adoption always in the hypothetical. We do want to try for our own first but I am trying to be a realist. I will probably be in my mid thirties when we try and with my health issues I am not sure how easy this will be. So we have talked about the alternatives. Surrogates could cost more than adoption but that is another option that we do not rule out. The one thing about adoption that both George and feel passionate about is that we want any baby we will accept into our heart to be an American baby. Let me clarify, not a white baby necessarily, but an American baby no matter their skin color. It kind of bothers me when I see movie stars trekking all over the planet taking in an army of babies and not one of them are from the United States. I understand that there a quite a few children all over the world that need homes but there are plenty in our own back yard as well. It is one of the reasons I like Sandra Bullock as she adopted a little boy from Louisiana.
The first program we could participate in said we could request a Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American baby. The second program says we can request an African American or a biracial baby. When the guy called me he flat out told me that because of a larger number of African American or mixed children that the cost is about ½ of what it is for any other race and that is to make it easier to get them placed. The cost of the first program start to finish, including advertising, is around 50k. The second program cost about 26k.
Yes I said advertising. Part of the cost is to get your profile and picture all over the internet, newspapers, and all over different agencies to the birth mothers. They said that if a couple spends about 2k just on ads then the average time they wait to adopt is 4-5 years. But if you spend 6k it is about 3 years. And 10-12k about 6 months to 2 years.
It was a bunch of information that was very eye opening for me. I guess I was naïve to think that we could just say that we wanted a baby who needs a home. To think that we would have to limit ourselves and pick the race of a child ahead of time really sucks. I am not sure why but this really bothers me. I do not want to say I only want a white baby or I only what a black baby. I am more concerned about the health of the mother and their commitment to the process. It feels weird that I can’t just accept a child to love and that it has to be so restrictive. I knew it would be expensive. But to be expensive and limiting at the same time...?
It also seems to me like a scam. If it only costs 26k to adopt an African American baby then why does it cost more for any other race? It feels like even babies are subject to supply and demand. More people want a white or Asian baby therefore we can make these people pay twice what an African American baby would cost. I am pretty sure it is the same paper work, the same health care, and the baby comes out of the same place for the Hispanic lady as it does the African American lady. So the thought that it feels like parents are being scammed for their desire of a specific ethnicity of a child or that any child is missing out on parents because the cost JUST TO GET THE BABY is 50k. Not including the diapers which are probably another 50k when it is all said and done.
Just on a hunch I looked in to foreign adoptions…10-12k total. Gotcha.
The reason they warned me was that because a huge part of the process, which is finding the birth mother who will pick you, they did not partake in. Therefore their cost was not that substantial. So I went to the website of their agency and requested the free information. I got an email back yesterday explaining that if I went through them we would have to choose between two programs. We could participate in both but then there is twice the cost for the same result.
George and I have talked about adoption always in the hypothetical. We do want to try for our own first but I am trying to be a realist. I will probably be in my mid thirties when we try and with my health issues I am not sure how easy this will be. So we have talked about the alternatives. Surrogates could cost more than adoption but that is another option that we do not rule out. The one thing about adoption that both George and feel passionate about is that we want any baby we will accept into our heart to be an American baby. Let me clarify, not a white baby necessarily, but an American baby no matter their skin color. It kind of bothers me when I see movie stars trekking all over the planet taking in an army of babies and not one of them are from the United States. I understand that there a quite a few children all over the world that need homes but there are plenty in our own back yard as well. It is one of the reasons I like Sandra Bullock as she adopted a little boy from Louisiana.
The first program we could participate in said we could request a Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American baby. The second program says we can request an African American or a biracial baby. When the guy called me he flat out told me that because of a larger number of African American or mixed children that the cost is about ½ of what it is for any other race and that is to make it easier to get them placed. The cost of the first program start to finish, including advertising, is around 50k. The second program cost about 26k.
Yes I said advertising. Part of the cost is to get your profile and picture all over the internet, newspapers, and all over different agencies to the birth mothers. They said that if a couple spends about 2k just on ads then the average time they wait to adopt is 4-5 years. But if you spend 6k it is about 3 years. And 10-12k about 6 months to 2 years.
It was a bunch of information that was very eye opening for me. I guess I was naïve to think that we could just say that we wanted a baby who needs a home. To think that we would have to limit ourselves and pick the race of a child ahead of time really sucks. I am not sure why but this really bothers me. I do not want to say I only want a white baby or I only what a black baby. I am more concerned about the health of the mother and their commitment to the process. It feels weird that I can’t just accept a child to love and that it has to be so restrictive. I knew it would be expensive. But to be expensive and limiting at the same time...?
It also seems to me like a scam. If it only costs 26k to adopt an African American baby then why does it cost more for any other race? It feels like even babies are subject to supply and demand. More people want a white or Asian baby therefore we can make these people pay twice what an African American baby would cost. I am pretty sure it is the same paper work, the same health care, and the baby comes out of the same place for the Hispanic lady as it does the African American lady. So the thought that it feels like parents are being scammed for their desire of a specific ethnicity of a child or that any child is missing out on parents because the cost JUST TO GET THE BABY is 50k. Not including the diapers which are probably another 50k when it is all said and done.
Just on a hunch I looked in to foreign adoptions…10-12k total. Gotcha.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Only an Auntie
Only an Auntie can give hugs like a mother, keep secrets like a sister and
love like a friend!If you're an Aunt who loves her nieces &
nephews, post this as your status!! Hugs and Kisses to all of my
Nieces and Nephews...whether by blood or by luv!!!♥
love like a friend!If you're an Aunt who loves her nieces &
nephews, post this as your status!! Hugs and Kisses to all of my
Nieces and Nephews...whether by blood or by luv!!!♥
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Let the Journey Begin
I wear many hats in my life. I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend, and co-worker. However, I think my favorite hat is that of Auntie. George and I have 4 nieces, 1 nephew, and 1 godson. I consider myself a modern woman and I like to think of myself as the cool Aunt. I know it will get me in huge trouble but I will be the one to take them all to get their first tattoos. I am 30 years old and I got married about a year ago and unlike some I have no inner voice or biological clock telling me that I need to have children yet. I believe that you should enjoy your marriage as much as you can before having children. The stronger the marriage before the kids the better chance of survival. I believe it is a total myth created by parents from long ago that marriage only gets better with children. Now I have no experience of children with marriage to draw from so I could be wrong. But FOR ME I believe that children add to the life. Marriage is not perfect and takes work. Children will change our relationship and we will grow and adapt along with taking the good and taking the bad. It will not be perfect, it will be life.
Now the other consideration is money. I have heard from tons of people that financially it is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. However, just because there is not a perfect time does not mean, I think, that we can't be as perfect as we can be. George and I are very conscious of what our short and long term goals are financially. And when it comes to kids we want to be able to provide for them.
This brings me to our concern about journey to even want children. When we met we talked a whole lot about how BOTH of us were unsure if we even wanted kids. We have the same concerns that I am sure a bunch of people have. Will we be good parents? Can we provide for them? What if we screw them up? Then what? Plus, being 100% honest, we are both selfish people. Not in a traditional way but we are selfish with our time. Before I met George I used to make my work my life. Since I met him I have fought very hard to balance my work and home lives. I will sacrifice time with George to do the best damn job I can but I do have a limit. My marriage will not be sacrificed on the alter of work. After all it will not say on my tombstone that I worked really hard. And the last thing I want is to look at my child and feel like they took something from me. I have known people who feel that way and it is one of the saddest things I think I have ever seen.
So for right now George and I are enjoying our lives. We have a big family, great friends, and beautiful dogs that currently are filling the roles of kids for us. We are taking everything day by day and looking forward to the future.
So this blog is my journey from Aunt to Mother. For years I felt like I did not want midgets. I love being able to have all the fun times with the kids in my life and then send them back to the parents when things get rough. So this blog is partly for me to voice my own thoughts on my change in perspective. It is a big shift for me. This is to share my feelings with the people that matter most. Unlike some out there I do not have a ton of people breathing down my neck to procreate. I have a good support system of people that allow me to talk out my own fears and hopes for the future.
So here we go! Welcome to Aunt Lala Land!
Now the other consideration is money. I have heard from tons of people that financially it is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby. However, just because there is not a perfect time does not mean, I think, that we can't be as perfect as we can be. George and I are very conscious of what our short and long term goals are financially. And when it comes to kids we want to be able to provide for them.
This brings me to our concern about journey to even want children. When we met we talked a whole lot about how BOTH of us were unsure if we even wanted kids. We have the same concerns that I am sure a bunch of people have. Will we be good parents? Can we provide for them? What if we screw them up? Then what? Plus, being 100% honest, we are both selfish people. Not in a traditional way but we are selfish with our time. Before I met George I used to make my work my life. Since I met him I have fought very hard to balance my work and home lives. I will sacrifice time with George to do the best damn job I can but I do have a limit. My marriage will not be sacrificed on the alter of work. After all it will not say on my tombstone that I worked really hard. And the last thing I want is to look at my child and feel like they took something from me. I have known people who feel that way and it is one of the saddest things I think I have ever seen.
So for right now George and I are enjoying our lives. We have a big family, great friends, and beautiful dogs that currently are filling the roles of kids for us. We are taking everything day by day and looking forward to the future.
So this blog is my journey from Aunt to Mother. For years I felt like I did not want midgets. I love being able to have all the fun times with the kids in my life and then send them back to the parents when things get rough. So this blog is partly for me to voice my own thoughts on my change in perspective. It is a big shift for me. This is to share my feelings with the people that matter most. Unlike some out there I do not have a ton of people breathing down my neck to procreate. I have a good support system of people that allow me to talk out my own fears and hopes for the future.
So here we go! Welcome to Aunt Lala Land!
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