So on a whim the other day I started futzing around online to find out more about adoption. I know it can take a couple of years so it seemed practical to think about starting now so by the time we are ready in a few years it will not be as long of a wait. I emailed two friends of mine who adopted and they referred me to the agency they went through. They warned me that their situation was very different though. They went through the agency to start the process when one of their sisters got pregnant unexpectedly and offered to let them adopt. They still ended up using the agency to find a credible attorney and help them with all the legalities along with therapy for all parties involved.
The reason they warned me was that because a huge part of the process, which is finding the birth mother who will pick you, they did not partake in. Therefore their cost was not that substantial. So I went to the website of their agency and requested the free information. I got an email back yesterday explaining that if I went through them we would have to choose between two programs. We could participate in both but then there is twice the cost for the same result.
George and I have talked about adoption always in the hypothetical. We do want to try for our own first but I am trying to be a realist. I will probably be in my mid thirties when we try and with my health issues I am not sure how easy this will be. So we have talked about the alternatives. Surrogates could cost more than adoption but that is another option that we do not rule out. The one thing about adoption that both George and feel passionate about is that we want any baby we will accept into our heart to be an American baby. Let me clarify, not a white baby necessarily, but an American baby no matter their skin color. It kind of bothers me when I see movie stars trekking all over the planet taking in an army of babies and not one of them are from the United States. I understand that there a quite a few children all over the world that need homes but there are plenty in our own back yard as well. It is one of the reasons I like Sandra Bullock as she adopted a little boy from Louisiana.
The first program we could participate in said we could request a Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or Native American baby. The second program says we can request an African American or a biracial baby. When the guy called me he flat out told me that because of a larger number of African American or mixed children that the cost is about ½ of what it is for any other race and that is to make it easier to get them placed. The cost of the first program start to finish, including advertising, is around 50k. The second program cost about 26k.
Yes I said advertising. Part of the cost is to get your profile and picture all over the internet, newspapers, and all over different agencies to the birth mothers. They said that if a couple spends about 2k just on ads then the average time they wait to adopt is 4-5 years. But if you spend 6k it is about 3 years. And 10-12k about 6 months to 2 years.
It was a bunch of information that was very eye opening for me. I guess I was naïve to think that we could just say that we wanted a baby who needs a home. To think that we would have to limit ourselves and pick the race of a child ahead of time really sucks. I am not sure why but this really bothers me. I do not want to say I only want a white baby or I only what a black baby. I am more concerned about the health of the mother and their commitment to the process. It feels weird that I can’t just accept a child to love and that it has to be so restrictive. I knew it would be expensive. But to be expensive and limiting at the same time...?
It also seems to me like a scam. If it only costs 26k to adopt an African American baby then why does it cost more for any other race? It feels like even babies are subject to supply and demand. More people want a white or Asian baby therefore we can make these people pay twice what an African American baby would cost. I am pretty sure it is the same paper work, the same health care, and the baby comes out of the same place for the Hispanic lady as it does the African American lady. So the thought that it feels like parents are being scammed for their desire of a specific ethnicity of a child or that any child is missing out on parents because the cost JUST TO GET THE BABY is 50k. Not including the diapers which are probably another 50k when it is all said and done.
Just on a hunch I looked in to foreign adoptions…10-12k total. Gotcha.
